mr. sewell and the mighty radish

dear friends,
many of you have mentioned their worries about my recent fixation on radishes.
to tell you the truth, i have myself spent many sleepless nights (fuelled by scientific curiosity and forced celibacy) pondering on the subject.
i have asked myself the same question over a million times.
why radishes?
why?
oh why?
but why indeed?
how come?
(many hours elapsing)
why radishes?
at last, the legendary light bulb flashed in my feverish brain. maybe it was no coincidence that this radish obsession was born here, on the rufus sewell message board.
yes, dear friends, you have helped me establish the link. radish is to the vegetal realm what rufus sewell is to manhood.
but, i hear each and every single one of you cry out, tipou, you are not serious, you are not comparing our rufus to a vegetable?
calm down, dear hysteric companions. this letter is not a comment on mr. sewell's i.q., anymore than i have a food fetish.
consider this.
radish stands out among all other veggies. its colour, its rippling plummet, its unique flavour, will always be distinctive. quite striking on the outside, its inside never fails to surprise. will it be coarse and rugged? delicate and spicy? earthy and primal? or downright dirty and disgusting?
imagine the radish fresh out of the (garden) bed, stubbles of root on its chin – eh, i mean, bottom – eh, i mean – you know what i mean.
picture, if you will, the radish on a bed of lettuce, among other veggies. what will stand out, which savoury morsel will you notice first? that's right, the radish. alongside the radish, even the showy onion disappears (if you still don’t see what i mean, name the radish rufus s., and the onion, james f.).
now, imagine the radish, still on the bed of lettuce, and lay beside it a sexy fresh slice of, say, green pepper. sparks. drool. instant pg-18 rating.
radish uncannily attracts women. who will first start to pluck it from the salad bowl, i ask? especially women who like their veggies simple, raw, rugged, yet elegant and tasty.
and yet, tragically, the radish remains underused. cooks all over the world lack imagination when it comes to radish, which ends up being typecast as the colourful, decorative piece of veggie that, unfortunately, it is, or, worse, it will not be used at all. oh yeah, tomatoes and cucumbers get all the attention, they are in every prize-winning dish, they are seen in every cooking magazine over the world! but radish too can be used in so many surprising guises.
most of all, radish wishes to do more breakfast. it is very zesty, spiritual, and even goofy at times in its natural roundness.
radish is so humble and dedicated to its culinary role, however, it will never pose as something it is not, does not mind to be second banana (no pun intended) to really good spinach or arugula, especially the species it admires the most.
it does not wish for the limelight. in fact, it will easily disappear in its intended use. it will accept to be carved, sliced, diced, until it looks nothing like a radish. it loves to stretch as a vegetable.
this taste for varitety might come from its international origins (asian/european), its arrival on american soil being more recent. in germany, radish and beer go hand in hand (if you can imagine a radish holding hands with a mug of beer).
so, i would hate to be more specific and thus insult your intelligence – i am sure you too have now seen the light. i will say no more on the subject.