Feeling silly and emotional!!

[dippyponge]

Today I found myself getting a bit tearful. My daughter has had a friend for a sleepover (last night), she is (11 nearly 12) two years older than my daughter who will be 10 in September and it made me think about how old my daughter is (as she pointed out, in 5 years she will be nearly 15). I asked my hubby when he thought we would be able to afford to go abroad for a holiday. He got really narky and said not for years as we are skint and then asked me "have are holidays in England been that bad? (they havn't but the weather has!!). So I got upset, not only is my daughter nearly 10 but my son starts school in 2 weeks and I just feel as if I would like to have a lovely holiday before my daughter gets bored of being on holiday with mum and dad. Anyway i feel as if my hubby doesn't understand. I just wish I could freeze time and keep my babies this size forever because I feel that they are growing to fast. I often wonder if my husband feels the same, why doesn't he get emotional when he thinks about the kids growing up? Perhaps I'm just hormonal because it's near that time in the month? Do any of you mums ever feel like this, or is it just me?

[reformeddruid]

My kids are grown, but still close by. I did feel that way as they were growing up as well though. As they get older they need you less and less, men don't get it. Spend all the time you can with them, make sure you have things in common. Teach them about things you love and learn about the things they love, they won't ever completely leave you. They will for a time when they first go out on their own, but they will return after awhile. Just be patient and understanding. I talk to my daughter almost everyday, my son calls frequently to let me know how things are going and I see them both very regularly.

[GreenEyesToo]

Awww, Dippy.....I'm not a Mum, but I can still give you a big {{{HUG}}}

Maybe he got narky because he does think about them growing up? I remember my brother's face when my niece (admittedly, older then than your daughter) came out of the changing-rooms once with a fabulous dress on - there was a mixture of admiration at how lovely she looked, and sadness (and almost shock) that she was nearly grown up. This from a bloke who NEVER shows his emotions.

I expect you're feeling particularly sad as well because of your son starting school, always a milestone. I do hope you're feeling better about things today.

[kygal]

Dippy...I agree with GE2. I think the fathers have the same concerns but show it in a different way. My son started college 2 weeks ago but he is still close to home! My daughter will be sixteen this winter so I have had some weepy times as well lately. We want them to grow and stay young at the same time. Your kids will not grow tired of spending time with you even if they make you feel that way. I (and my family) still go on vacation with my parents every year...they probably dont think they will ever get rid of me!

[numbat]

Awwww dippy, you're allowed to feel sad luvvie. I think all the mums on this board will relate to your feelings. For me it started not long after they were born - especially when you're sitting there holding them in the middle of the night and they've (finally) gone back to sleep. You look at their tiny little faces and realise that they're going to be this little baby for such a short time.

And every birthday and every christmas brings them closer to the time when they're not going to need us as much anymore. But that's the right thing to happen. Our job as parents is to prepare them for being adults and however hard it is for us, it's inevitable that one day they will leave our homes. But they'll never leave our families and they'll never leave our hearts.

This is one of my favourite quotes:
"Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body" - Elizabeth Stone.
And that's exactly what it's like, isn't it?

So i probably haven't helped at all dippy, but i wanted you to know that you're not alone in your feelings.

And lets face it, a certain Mr Sewell (aka Tom Builder), is not really helping our emotional states at the moment is he???

[judypatooty]

{{{{Dippy}}}} All the mums above have given you some great thoughts. Not having any children myself, all I can do is send you a big hug!

[walt]

Dippy, I think it always hurts when we must realize that one of our kids is a little bit more on his/her own ways like starting to go to school or leaving school. You can only try to have an open ear for all your children's problems and interests. And in my experience it is sometimes very comforting to observe that other mums have the same troubles. - As far as your daughter is concerned, are there any public offers for the holiday season she could join in (holiday camps)?

[dippyponge]

Thank you everyone, I'm feeling better today and I am determined to make the most of the last week of the kids holidays (just hope that the weather allows me to take them somewhere!!) Really appreciate all you thoughts and hugs

I wonder if Rufus feels the same way about Billy (I'm sure he does) and it must be worse for him because he spend so much time away from him. I feel a bit silly about yesterday actually, because I spend a lot more time with my kids than some of my friends who have to share a custody with their ex partners. i am very lucky

[nicole]

Hello Dippy!

You're not silly at all! In fact you're just feeling like a mom. I can understand you very good because I know these feelings. My daughter gets 8 next Friday and like I want to see her growing up there's also a feeling in me which wanted her to stay a little girl forever. I know that this will not be possible and actually I don't want it at all. I want her to become a happy and healthy teenager, woman, wife, mother or everything she wants to be. The main thing is that she's in my life and my heart forever.

And to the father thing: Well, my husband and me split three years ago when our daughter was nearly 5. I know that he loves her but I think no man can really understand what's in a mothers heart. It's this unconditional love. No matter what your child does you'll always and forever will love it without conditions.

And I never read numbats quotation before:
"Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body" - Elizabeth Stone
This is perfectly true. I can't say anymore than that.
Really lovely.

[nell]

Hey dippy

I'm pleased your feeling a bit better today. I'm not a Mum but like all of us I am a daughter and even at my age I still see my Mum most weeks. Growing up doesn't necessarily mean growing away. Also I have a niece that I kidnap regularly and she's a bit older than your daughter. She still enjoys trips with me though. We've been to London, Wales, Derbyshire and I took her to Turkey when she was 12 - she's still enjoying this at 15 so there's plenty of time yet. If going abroad as a family is something you really want to do I'm sure you'll manage it. Maybe next year. Us ladies can be very persuasive when we want to be. ;D

[spice]

Yes, dippy, I know exactly what you are going through. I have only one child, my daughter. She has been and is the center of my life. Her father and I divorced when she was about two. She hardly ever saw him after our divorce... it was very ugly. He died when she was ten so I have been the main parent in her life. She is now in her thirties. We are very close. She moved to Arizona five years ago to be with her fiance. It was the worst time of my life... trying to adjust to her not being present in my daily life anymore. But she has to live her life and be happy. I don't know if you are a person of faith or religious in any way. Perhaps this may help ? To help me as I adjusted to my daughter separating from me in the physical sense, my daily belief and prayer is "Let God ... and let go". Yes, it was and still is very difficult to accomplish. It takes so much faith and trust in God.
As you continue to be a loving parent you will learn that our children are God's gifts to us. A few months after my daughter moved to Arizona, she wrote me the most beautiful letter telling me how much she loved me and appreciated all that I had done for her. She told me, "Mom, I want to be exactly like you and raise my children just as you raised me. I always felt loved and cared for." Well, I believe that was hers and God's gift back to me. She is a beautiful young woman not only physically but most importantly, in her heart and soul. She has has been a nurse for eleven years, the last four as a hospice nurse. I am so proud of her.
Well, I hope I have helped you cope with these Motherly tugs-of-the -heart you are experiencing. They are very normal. And they give evidence that you are the special Mom that you should be !!!
Oh, an extra bonus with my daughter........ she's a Rufus fan !! When she visited my sister and I here in San Diego soon after I had discovered Rufus, we watched TOTS. I had NEVER been interested in any celebrity previously. She had been teasing me that I was turning in to a Cougar and/or going through my second stage of puberty. After TOTS, I asked her what she thought. She was quiet for a while, then she smiled and said, "Yes Mom, he's hot !" I don't get teased anymore.
Hugs,
Diane

[veerke]

Hello Dippy, I know the feeling all to well. Rationnaly it should be reassuring to see that your kids grow into independance and that they can handle things their self, but emotionnaly it can be painful. Offspring is only 4,5 years old. I remember her first day at school, her first day at gymnastics, .... I was ever so worried about how she'ld cope. She never gave me a second glance, just took off and had the best time ever. It should be reassuring and it is how things are supposed to go ... but it hurts. Still I was very proud of her and forced back some tears. A quick look around showed I wasn't the only one.
Just enjoy them as long as you can and be proud of the independant young people they are turning into.
Veerke

BTW, my brother still got homesick and missed mom when he was 20. They will need us a lot longer than they want to admit.

[dippyponge]

Thank you again everyone. I know what you mean Spice, you do have to let them grow and all I can hope is that she will be as close to me as your daughter is to you. I do have a great beleive in God and I pray every day that my children will always be happy and know that they are loved. It is so hard isn't, nobody telsl you how many feelings youre children produce. I want them to grow up but I want them to stay young as well, does that make sense at all. I let my daughter go to our local shop a few days ago and I had visions of all sorts of things happening to her,the few second she was gone, but she came back safe and sound and she was very pleased with herself. You saying about your daughter spice and the fact that she fancies Rufus made me smile. My daughter isn't at that stage yet with Rufus, but she does share my appreciation of David Tennant (she has a little crush on his, as do I) but my mum does think Rufus is very nice, she says he is better looking now that he is older. I think he has always been very good looking but I do agree with her he has improved with age.