Post by numbat on Sept 1, 2010 3:40:13 GMT
The September 1 is the first day of spring for us antipodean types, and so with the arrival of that most wonderful of seasons, a numbat's thoughts turn to love. ;D
So forgive me if this post is a rambling piece of nonsense, but i know you'll all just humour me (as you always do!!!).
I saw a french movie being reviewed the other night entitled "The Father of my Children", and it got me to thinking about what a wonderful turn of phrase that was when referring to the men in our lives. And so with Father's Day coming up on Sunday (except for those in the UK i believe), i thought i'd like to make some observations about the men in our lives and how we think of them on a daily basis.
And at this point, i'd like to say that this relates to all of our men whether you are married or not and whether you actually have children or not. (And on a side note, with this post in my mind when i logged on this morning, i was very, very happy to see pictures of young Master Sewell with his father - i hope he's able to stay on til next Sunday so they're able to spend Fathers Day together, but if not at least they've had some quality time with each other).
So i was thinking, do remember the time when you first met, when you lusted after your man and could think of no one else? When your love was like Kate & Petruchio's and you'd make out in the back of a car or in a lift or anywhere you could actually!!! But then life gets in the way and you settle down together and it all becomes about jobs and houses and kids and responsibilities. And you kind of just lose touch with each other even though you're living the same life in the same house.
And then we often start to think of "men" as a different species. They don't think like us, they don't seem to understand us, they snore and fall asleep on the couch and leave the toilet seat up. Do things and say things that we would never do. And we get to b*tching about them with our girlfriends, having a laugh about them, Men are from Mars - Women are from Venus, that kind of thing. And then they're made fun of in advertising - can't cook, can't look after themselves, can't make rational decisions. And i think it all conspires to make us more distant from each other, reinforces the stereotype that we are so different.
So this is really where Rufus and my story writing has got me thinking. I've had the unique experience (at least in my life) of having to look at things from a man's point of view. When i started writing Jacob & Rachel, it was primarily from Rachel's point of view, but i've more and more been moving towards Jacob's POV. And similarly Tom & Ellen was completely from Tom's viewpoint. This, and watching Albert yesterday. Watching him wander around the house looking in cupboards, comtemplating where Nancy might be, the pain that Rufus portrays on his face, had me wondering what was going on in his mind - if i was to write that scene in a story, what would Albert be thinking, what is going on inside his head? And i have to say that this experience of being in a man's head is most interesting - and far from it being a strange and foreign place, it's actually very much like being in our own. A little less chaotic, a little less full of shopping lists and kid worries and girlfriend gossip. But essentially the same - the same feelings and emotions and thoughts. And i know this because when i see Albert or Tom or Marke or Mick or Jacob or any of the others, i know what they're thinking because Rufus shows us. We can empathise with Giles, not just because of his circumstances, but because of the feelings that are written (by Rufus) on his face. And if men were honestly so different from us, if Rufus was so different from us, then we wouldn't understand.
And so what i'm really trying to say is that maybe as women, we need to empathise with our own men a little more. Not just the men we see on screen, but the men we actually share our lives with. Maybe we need to look at them the way we did back then when we fell in love with them. When we spent endless time wandering around with each other, when we wanted to be together.
My man and i have grown closer over the time that i've been writing, not through anything he's done because he's always been a great man, husband, friend and father of my children. But because i've begun to appreciate him more, appreciate his thoughts and feelings and presence in a way that i didn't before i had to start living inside Jacob Hood's head (and Jacob is a lot like my man). I think sometimes we believe that our relationships would be better if we could change our men (and i'm not suggesting that sometimes they don't need a bit of training and moulding in the right direction!!!). But i also think that our relationships can be improved by us appreciating them more. By us looking at them differently, lusting after them as we used to, spending time together.
And so this Sunday, although they aren't our Fathers, lets give our men, the fathers of our children, our life partners, a bit of love and understanding and friendship (and lust
), and maybe we'll all be the better off for it........
Kxx ;D
So forgive me if this post is a rambling piece of nonsense, but i know you'll all just humour me (as you always do!!!).
I saw a french movie being reviewed the other night entitled "The Father of my Children", and it got me to thinking about what a wonderful turn of phrase that was when referring to the men in our lives. And so with Father's Day coming up on Sunday (except for those in the UK i believe), i thought i'd like to make some observations about the men in our lives and how we think of them on a daily basis.
And at this point, i'd like to say that this relates to all of our men whether you are married or not and whether you actually have children or not. (And on a side note, with this post in my mind when i logged on this morning, i was very, very happy to see pictures of young Master Sewell with his father - i hope he's able to stay on til next Sunday so they're able to spend Fathers Day together, but if not at least they've had some quality time with each other).
So i was thinking, do remember the time when you first met, when you lusted after your man and could think of no one else? When your love was like Kate & Petruchio's and you'd make out in the back of a car or in a lift or anywhere you could actually!!! But then life gets in the way and you settle down together and it all becomes about jobs and houses and kids and responsibilities. And you kind of just lose touch with each other even though you're living the same life in the same house.
And then we often start to think of "men" as a different species. They don't think like us, they don't seem to understand us, they snore and fall asleep on the couch and leave the toilet seat up. Do things and say things that we would never do. And we get to b*tching about them with our girlfriends, having a laugh about them, Men are from Mars - Women are from Venus, that kind of thing. And then they're made fun of in advertising - can't cook, can't look after themselves, can't make rational decisions. And i think it all conspires to make us more distant from each other, reinforces the stereotype that we are so different.
So this is really where Rufus and my story writing has got me thinking. I've had the unique experience (at least in my life) of having to look at things from a man's point of view. When i started writing Jacob & Rachel, it was primarily from Rachel's point of view, but i've more and more been moving towards Jacob's POV. And similarly Tom & Ellen was completely from Tom's viewpoint. This, and watching Albert yesterday. Watching him wander around the house looking in cupboards, comtemplating where Nancy might be, the pain that Rufus portrays on his face, had me wondering what was going on in his mind - if i was to write that scene in a story, what would Albert be thinking, what is going on inside his head? And i have to say that this experience of being in a man's head is most interesting - and far from it being a strange and foreign place, it's actually very much like being in our own. A little less chaotic, a little less full of shopping lists and kid worries and girlfriend gossip. But essentially the same - the same feelings and emotions and thoughts. And i know this because when i see Albert or Tom or Marke or Mick or Jacob or any of the others, i know what they're thinking because Rufus shows us. We can empathise with Giles, not just because of his circumstances, but because of the feelings that are written (by Rufus) on his face. And if men were honestly so different from us, if Rufus was so different from us, then we wouldn't understand.
And so what i'm really trying to say is that maybe as women, we need to empathise with our own men a little more. Not just the men we see on screen, but the men we actually share our lives with. Maybe we need to look at them the way we did back then when we fell in love with them. When we spent endless time wandering around with each other, when we wanted to be together.
My man and i have grown closer over the time that i've been writing, not through anything he's done because he's always been a great man, husband, friend and father of my children. But because i've begun to appreciate him more, appreciate his thoughts and feelings and presence in a way that i didn't before i had to start living inside Jacob Hood's head (and Jacob is a lot like my man). I think sometimes we believe that our relationships would be better if we could change our men (and i'm not suggesting that sometimes they don't need a bit of training and moulding in the right direction!!!). But i also think that our relationships can be improved by us appreciating them more. By us looking at them differently, lusting after them as we used to, spending time together.
And so this Sunday, although they aren't our Fathers, lets give our men, the fathers of our children, our life partners, a bit of love and understanding and friendship (and lust
), and maybe we'll all be the better off for it........Kxx ;D
for giving me this reminder.
