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Post by GreenEyesToo on Jan 8, 2007 22:35:19 GMT
...a place so unbelievable, so incredible, all he could think of was...
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Post by ree on Jan 10, 2007 6:51:45 GMT
this must be the land of Stardom! Why look, over there across this valley, it's the pinnacle of my career!
But the valley is so misty and I can't see a clearly marked path. Anything might be hiding, waiting down there to hinder my progress. Merlin can you hear me? What must I do to reach it, the pinnacle of my career?
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Post by ruthy on Jan 10, 2007 14:11:31 GMT
"Rufus", said Merlin "you are the Chosen One. You must go forth and spread the Word of the evils of Frock-Coatery and Foppishness. You must denounce all manner of riding breeches and caddishness. You must find within yourself the way through the scourge that is the.....Period Drama!!! Then, and only then, will you find the one true light that you hide under a bushel............COMEDY! But first, you must.........."
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Post by ree on Jan 12, 2007 1:13:54 GMT
look deep inside yourself & discover the secret SOURCE that feeds your inner most desires & dreams. It has long been there for you. It has burgeoned & continues to intensify as your skills have been honed & refined.
Do you know of what I speak......
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Post by sevensisters on Jan 12, 2007 2:03:57 GMT
"Yes! Yes!" cried Rufus. "It's all those sandwiches I filched at the canteen when I wasn't even supposed to be on the set! That roast beef was especially delicious! It has been burgeoning and intensifying, all right. I've been putting on weight and having indigestion. But what's that got to do with comedy?"
"Rufus," said Merlin sadly, "you know better than that. You know that...."
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Post by ree on Jan 12, 2007 2:15:51 GMT
you yourself have spoken of returning to this precious SOURCE in times of self-doubt & gloom. It is a gift, a treasure that has not been given to all men. The source I speak of is......
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Post by ruthy on Jan 12, 2007 11:23:53 GMT
TWICKENHAM!!!! The land of the ruddy-faced rugby fan and the
Woolies pick 'n' mix from whence your filching habit emerged. The
Mecca of the local adolescents that is that little bit of pavement outside McDonalds. Of the Barmy Arms, where you could easily get served a beer as long as you were no longer in nappies. Of the Wimpy from where you once did do a runner. Where you can still board a 267 bus but can no longer have a sneaky smoke on the way to school without getting grassed up to the driver. Yes Rufus, you must return to Twickenham and.........
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Post by GreenEyesToo on Jan 12, 2007 22:02:50 GMT
"What?!" cried Rufus, indignantly, "WHAT? I've snogged my best mate's mum, been batted up into the sky by a giant purple kitten, nearly been seduced by P*uss*y Galore, pursued by all the message-board ladies, chased by Little Miss Not So Pure As The Driven Snow After All .....and now you tell me what I seek is at HOME??? Do you realise how bloody long it took me to escape from there?! In the words of McEnroe, 'you cannot be serious!' !!"
"Rufus, Rufus...." soothed Merlin, "calm down, my boy, calm down. For you see, the Twickenham of which I speak is not of this earthly hue, but is in a parallel world, where Time...
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Post by ree on Jan 16, 2007 5:02:43 GMT
& fate has produced another Rufus, a different Rufus who has not had your life experiences....
This Rufus has no fans to care about his curls, his smouldering green eyes. No one to notice if he looses too much weight or is tired or shaves.
No one to sqee! & ahh! over his photographs. No one to admire his talents, no movies nor plays. Worst of all no one has even considered writing gigabytes worth of useless drivel about him!!
You must find your way to him, you must go to this unknown, unloved Rufus and.......
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Post by sevensisters on Jan 20, 2007 2:07:04 GMT
....before he has become sullied by all the lustful adoration of the message board ladies and the various high jinx and kinky doings you have been involved in, you must change places with him. You must forgo this world of temporal pleasures and seek the purity of a soul untouched by the evils of modern society. Only then will you be able to reach that higher plane, that level of consciousness that will enable you to....
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Post by GreenEyesToo on Jan 24, 2007 5:59:14 GMT
"Hang on a minute," interrupted Rufus, "I quite like the lustful adoration of the message-board ladies - they make me feel wanted and needed and loved. So, sorry, Merlin, but I suspect you want them all to yourself, and that's why...
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Post by ree on Jan 25, 2007 4:21:47 GMT
you're trying send me off on this wild goose chase; parallel world, another Rufus, my a**e! I'm not even sure I believe you are the Great Merlin! You look a little familiar to me.
Wait one cotton picking minute! (a little known British expression) I recognize you now! Why you're......
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Post by GreenEyesToo on Jan 27, 2007 17:22:41 GMT
".....my mate, whose Mum I snogged at the start of this great adventure! Why are you trying to get rid of me like this? What is it - revenge? You dared me to kiss her!"
"No - it's because I'm sick of you getting all the adoration all the time!" cried his mate, taking off his Merlin disguise. "Haven't those message-board ladies seen those pics of you as a teenager?! I'm much better-looking than you, and a better actor - took you long enough to realise who I was! Those ladies would be much better off with me!"
"Hah!" exclaimed Rufus dismissively, "that shows what you know. You see, you have to understand how their minds work (and heaven knows, I've been trying to work them out long enough, lurking on their board and resisting the temptation to respond to some of their...well...umm...saucier outpourings). You can't just..."
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Post by ree on Jan 28, 2007 9:36:39 GMT
nonchalantly say here I am, I'm handsome, adore me.
No, you have to exhibit some very special qualities as an actor & as a man to earn their devotion. Why some of them have been loyal to me for years! You've no idea the lengths they go to in support of me. But you appear incredulous, as though you doubt I know my Ladies. Let them speak then, themselves, as one voice......
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Post by GreenEyesToo on Feb 1, 2007 0:17:48 GMT
...err, ladies, where are you? I need you! Ummm....where are you all? Have you all been kidnapped or something? Usually you're all so...well, vocal. And now it's so quiet around here. It's like you've all been spirited away." Rufus felt uneasy, and then he jumped at a sudden loud noise behind him. Turning quickly, he was shocked to see...
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