Twisted Wishes

[GreenEyesToo]

You get to go with a friend, but on the first night you have a massive row, she tips the contents of your suitcase overboard, and you meet the man of your dreams while wearing your most unflattering outfit and he goes off with your "friend" instead.

I wish I didn't have to dye my hair to cover the grey.

[catdishy]

You don't...you decide to have a total hair transplant instead and spend your entire networth on it , all your energy, and and all your time dealing with complications.Meanwhile, your life sucks.


I wish I could let my hair grow gray.

[ree]

You do, and it turns out to be an unusual, if perfectly lovely
shade of gray. In fact it is so admired that first your
acquaintances, and then perfect strangers began to have their
hair dyed the exact same color. In no time at all it's being touted
as the newest discovery of a master hair colorist from Paris, and
everyone, and I do mean everyone, is wearing it. The final straw
for you is when you see a six year old sporting the 'new color of
the year' at the local mall.

I wish I could paint portraits.

[GreenEyesToo]

Your wish is granted - but try as you might, every time you have a commission and even though the person is sitting right in front of you, you always end up painting them with Rufus's face, until he gets to hear about it, asks you to paint his portrait, and then you eat a dodgy crawfish etouffee and on the appointed day you're too sick to get out of bed...

I wish I could retire

[catdishy]

You get your wish and retire with a buyout package ....you then lose all proportion and uncharacteristically, throw your money around in an extravagant fashion with one thing and another (you do have a fabulous time doing it)...and rejoin the workforce(not unhappily) without a nestegg(somewhat unhappily).

I wish I hadn't gained that last 7 pounds.

[GreenEyesToo]

You go back in time and decide to lock away all the chocolate, cakes, biscuits, pies, cheese and pastry, and eat only tomato, lettuce and celery. You then become allergic to all three, have to go on steroids, gain 30 pounds and can never diet again - so you should be happy with only 7 extra pounds!

I wish I could like eating vegetables

[catdishy]

YOu become enamored of every vegetable under the sun and refuse to eat anything non-vegetable. You refuse all dairy products, animal protein and won't even eat tofu or tempeh.You become anemic and cachectic and very ill. You cannot stand the look of vegetables, eventually.

I wish I knew what to do with my hair.

[sevensisters]

Your wish is granted and suddenly you have so many ideas to try. You cut and you color and you curl and you style and you tease and you spray......in fact, you can't stop. You go on and on (like this answer) until your arms are exhausted and you are exhausted and you wish you could go back to having plain hair again.


I wish I had one week in which I could do nothing except what I wanted to do.

[GreenEyesToo]

You get your week - but it coincides with multi-national strategic army exercises being held only a mile away, so you have to put up with search helicopters constantly flying 100 feet above your house, night and day, ferrying delegates everywhere, so you get no sleep; you're not allowed to communicate with anyone outside a two mile exclusion zone; you have no internet/TV/radio access, and all your books have been commandeered to give to the soldiers on nightwatch. Still want the time off?

I wish I looked like Alice Eve.

[sevensisters]

Poof! You wake up in the morning looking exactly like Alice Eve but then you discover, to your dismay, that a certain person with dark curly hair and green eyes has developed an interest in ladies more nearly his own age and you are suddenly entirely too young to be of interest to him.


I wish I could live in a 17th century New England saltbox house.

[catdishy]

Your original saltbox comes on a beautiful Atlantic property with beachfront, a sailboat, a lappool, a stable of horses...etc. Unfortunately, a sudden coldfront blows in dumping tons of snow on your steeply pitched roof, promptly sliding off the roof, encircling the house and your are snowed in until it thaws 2 weeks later...by that time, all occupants are emaciated and ill and in jeopardy for their lives. YOu all survive by a slim margin.

I wish I could make movies

[GreenEyesToo]

A famous world-class director offers you a year's masterclass, but you have to pay your own expenses - so you sell your house and all your possessions, including the kids, and fly across the other side of the world where he's a tax exile, but on the first morning there's a police raid, he's arrested for fraud, he claims you're the mastermind behind it all, and you end up locked up in a prison cell with no money to raise any bail because it's all been confiscated as the proceeds of crime.

I wish I could write short stories

[catdishy]

You can. After taking a creative writing class, your brilliant first collection comes out to wild acclaim.Unfortunately, you hadn't taken enough care to conceal some personal details, the IRS gets on to you, audits you for the past 20 years, you are steeply penalized and have to forfeit all proceeds from your runaway bestseller!

I wish I were more of a risktaker.

[GreenEyesToo]

You become more daring - but you go overboard, sink all your savings into hopeless investments, break every bone in your body with your sky-diving/mountian climbing without ropes/abseiling without a harness escapades, and lose all your friends because, frankly, you're just too dangerous to be around any longer!

I wish I could own a house by the sea

[catdishy]

You can. You own a Cape Cod style cottage , with wonderful views and lovely walking trails , beach access , kayaks, sailboats, the works. Unfortunately, a weather system inundates the coast, washing away properties, including yours. Fortunately, you were enjoying your townhouse in Hawaii at the time and were not harmed.

I wish I had younger boyfriends.