Twisted Wishes

[GreenEyesToo]

You do. You buy the local store out of soothing aromatherapy oils, fill your house with the scent of relaxing candles, play womb music and have someone give you the most wonderful massage you ever had. In fact, you enjoy calming down so much, you decide to stay in Canada and carry on calming, and sell your tickets to New York and the play to buy more candles...

I wish the sun would shine today.

[catdishy]

It shineth as per your request.UNfortunately, its shining all day lone for 5 months of the ;year and you finally have enough of it. You move to the opposite hemisphere where its wet 12 months of the year and sunshine is more moderate(could be British Columbia)

I hope it doesn't snow in NYC this week.

[GreenEyesToo]

It doesn't. But the winds blow and howl, and the rain pelts down, and then there's a massive weather system across the entire US continent and the weather turns really weird - there's a a huge sandstorm all the way over from Arizona, and it paralyses the transport system so you are forced to walk everywhere with a mask on. But apart from that, it's okay.

I wish Rufus would do a play at my local theatre next year.

[catdishy]

Why not? Its all arranged and the show is about to start with you sitting 3rd row centre' and a special invitation to a postshow cocktail party with RUfus expected to be in attendance. Curtain time comes....and nothing. After much stirring in the audience, the local theatre manager abashedly announces that RUfus cannot appear as he has come down with laryngitis and a standin will take his place. You are disgusted with RUfus.HOrrors!

I wish I could just lighten up about it all.

[GreenEyesToo]

You do - you start cracking jokes, pulling faces, reciting limericks and laughing your head off.....until your family all think you've totally lost the plot, have you confined to home, take all sharp things away from you and ban you from using the internet.

I wish I was going on holiday.

[quoll]

You go on the most wonderful world cruise, including a stop in NY just in case there was something on at the theatre there that you thought you might be interested in however you get a nasty dose of gastro ....

I wish I could make up my mind whether to move or not

[GreenEyesToo]

You have your mind made up for you - the 'roos take over the garden, break into the house, trash the place, the neighbours complain about all the noise and mess, and the local authority compulsorily purchases your home as a 'roo sanctuary when all attempts to shift them fail.

I wish I was a calmer person.

[ree]

Your Adrenal gland stops producing cortisone and you become
so excessively calm that you haven't the energy to shoo a fly.
Your Doctor prescribes corticosteroids to correct the deficiency
and your face swells up like the moon just before you meet Rufus
at the stage door.


I wish my dream would come true.

[GreenEyesToo]

It does! You fly first class to NYC, stay in a 5* hotel, have a seat for R&R with the best view in the house, and a promise of a private meeting and dinner with Rufus afterwards....then he gets the measles and won't meet anyone for fear of infecting them.

I wish I would stop being tempted by nice pastries and cakes.

[ree]

You do...but instead become tempted by
naughty pastries and cakes, and spend your
time hanging out at a porno bakery where
you learn the art of making obscene baked goods.
You begin a home business that features Sweet
Naughties for all occasions.
(The peach bum cake is your best seller)


I wish I had more energy.

[GreenEyesToo]

(I'm sorry, I'm still laughing about Sweet Naughties Right, compose yourself, GE2....)

You wake up tomorrow and you do have more energy - but you go into hyper-overdrive, baking and icing Peach Bum Cakes all day long, running up and down shouting "get your Rufus buns here!" and working yourself into such a frazzle that when you eventually try to stop, there's so much adrenaline rushing around inside you that you just keep on running. All the way to NYC. And you've made so much money, you can commission the Bernard B Jacobs Theatre for an entire performance just for yourself. (And your friends. Hint, hint)

I wish I had a more vivid imagination.

[quoll]

You develop a most wonderful creative streak, write a smashing novel which wins you prize after prize and venture into the world of creative art so the Tate Modern purchases your latest offering at a squillion dollars. But then you develop serious amnesia and forget all about it.

I wish someone else would do the painting

[GreenEyesToo]

Your hubby and sons offer to do all the painting from now on, and pack you off to a spa while it's done. But you come home to find that every room is painted black, with football scenes on all the ceilings, camouflage-painted doors, and all the furniture painted day-glo green.

I wish someone nearby wouldn't keep setting off after midnight.

[ree]

Thankfully they do stop setting off after midnight,
because they've graduated to stink bombs which they set
off in your back garden making your cat vomit on your new
bedspread, and causing you to run outside in a rage,
only to be pelted by water balloons filled with water and
permanent red dye.


I wish I could afford a gardener.

[GreenEyesToo]

You can - but he gets this mad idea to fill your garden with lush, tropical plants, and for authenticity's sake, he imports some baby crocs from the Amazon, but they cross-breed with the local 'gators, and they invade all the neighbouring properties, and you get blamed for all the local cats and dogs going missing...

I wish I could have a make-over.